(ảnh chụp Cebu, 2017-18 j đấy, đi xem cá voi, cá voi to ỉaaaa aaaaahhhhhhhh)
i dont really know how to put this in words, but everytime you say no to your heart, no matter how hurtful it is, you still have to because you know if you dont do it, you’ll suffer even more, and you’re confused because now you dont know how to feel about having so much experience in it: about hopping one broken heart to the next. and the problem with heartbreak is that, everytime you thought this is the worst you’ve ever been, but no, when the next one comes it seems like you never hurt like that before. was it Oscar Wilde in Dorian Gray who wrote: Each time that one loves is the only time one has ever loved? and when it’s over, it’s always gonna be over someday, you’ll start realizing that this heartbreak is no different than the last one. then you wonder why you still do it over and over and over again, as if you have no other mean to relate to the world but getting your heart broken.
and is there a mean in the world that you should figure out? or it is amongst the senseless endurance of life that you find out what to you matters the most; like, how death gives life meaning, and ending gives time a shape? (did I read this from somewhere? I cant even remember)
maybe there’s beauty in knowing that your heart is gonna break again. it is right in the moment, when you start recovering and you calmly reclaim your breath, and realize your love for this thing/this person, is slowly escaping your heart, with each breath you exhale. and it’s ok, because you know someday, maybe very soon, that same love will fill your lungs again like a deep inhaling after drowning your head under the water.
and of course there is also beauty in knowing that you heart is one more time mended back as whole. maybe only to be broken again some day, but that’s ok, too.